I have, at least in my opinion, have had a rather unique weakness, and that is the ability to be transparent about certain perspectives of my life. Most people that know me personally, and have had some interaction with me, know that I have a hard time “faking” certain things. I have often found it very difficult in life to pretend all is well when in actuality things are in disarray. Especially being a “minister” or “preacher” there is this sometimes silent code that “men and women” of the cloth are supposed to adhere to when it comes to the struggles they face personally. We are supposed to show this “perfect” image of ourselves even when we know deep down inside everything is far from perfection!
After years of contemplation about this, I’ve decided to go ahead and share my story! For those that may know me personally, a lot of the content in this book will be shocking, and you may be a bit surprised with some of the information I will be sharing, but after coming to some conclusions in life, I felt you all would be ok!
There seriously comes a time in your life when you don’t mind the ridicule for the rewards!
It is a challenge and risk to tell it! A challenge because I am going to expose ME, and that is the risk of it as well….EXPOSURE. You know that thing that we are at times most uncomfortable with, especially when it involves ourselves. There is often this inner excitement and joy we feel when others that we may not be too fond of our ousted! When the dirty, juicy gossip that happens to be true is revealed, within all of us, at times, is the inner smirk we have knowing they “got what was coming”. However, when the tails are turned, there is a fear, and anxiety that goes beyond our comprehension for the mere fact of what may be revealed. Sweaty palms, heart palpitations, increased nervousness, are all a part of this stare down with exposure.
There are some exposures, however, that are necessary! Exposure that not only brings a sigh of relief because it is out in the open, but also an exposure that causes others to be free from issues buried within the depths of their lives that they were merely waiting on someone else to expose it first! There are so many people that after reading this book, will not feel so bad about the experiences that they have encountered along the way simply because someone else has made a bold move to expose themselves. So many people, both men and women, are faced with things from the past that have caused them to make a cocoon that they have found comfort in and are content in remaining in that place as long as they can.
I too, was that person!
For nearly half of my life, my time was spent inside this cocoon of embarrassment, shame, and confusion. Hopeful, but I was conditioned by my environment to feel hopeless and a failure. I had no one to talk to, for those who I felt I could talk to only belittled me to the point that I knew I could not tell my story and my struggle to. The sad reality, these were “church folks”. If anyone could help me through it, if anyone could usher me from my struggles to a place of freedom, surely the people who claimed so much power and potential with God could help a young man deal with the molestation and the turmoil it had caused in his life? In the words of the lyrics from “Nobody Greater Than You”, by Kevin Lemmonds, “I searched all over, couldn’t find nobody, I searched high and low, still couldn’t find nobody”. That’s exactly what I said, NOBODY, for it was not in a person! No man, no woman, no prophet, apostle, bishop, teacher, evangelist, or pastor for the matter couldn’t help me with me! It was when I found a connection with HIM, that things began to completely turn for me. It doesn’t mean that I don’t have any struggles or issues as I continue to walk in my freedom, it means now, I know that He’s got me!
Journey with me as I reveal that “weakness” of a transparent life that has not only become my strength, but my testimony as well! For those again that know me personally, this book will show a side of me that will probably cause you to look at me in a different light. Trust me when I say, it is a concern, but for the benefit of those, who like me, have spent years in “hiding”, it is worth every story, every embarrassing moment, every set back, and every defeat, so that those who flip through the pages of this book may be blessed! Wherever you are and whoever you are, at this moment, I want you to know there is no reason to feel as if this addiction is beyond the hand of God! God knows how to use anything and everything in our lives not only for His good, but for ours as well. If you are ready to take the first step, He has already taken the last! What are you waiting on? You know you want to be free!